At any stage of a relationship, it is hard work! You may be in a newer relationship and thinking about taking the next step in your commitment to each other. You may be in a new stage of your relationship, such as growing your family. You may be experiencing a crisis in your relationship, or you may be in a long-term relationship. At any of these stages, we often put our relationship on auto pilot. Working collaboratively, I help you learn how to be conscious and deliberate with your relationship, and prioritize working on effective communication and increase connection. Some of the ways I can help include:
- BUILDING SKILLS– We often don’t have the skills necessary for healthy relationships. After all, there was never any class in school that taught us how to be a good partner! If you are in a newer relationship, you may be noticing the shine of the “honeymoon phase” has started to fade. The qualities that once seemed ‘cute’ in your partner are beginning to make you feel irritated. Where once your partner could do no wrong, suddenly you find yourself feeling disappointed more often by them. The attraction you felt is starting to feel less intense, and you are going from not being able to keep your hands off each other to ‘not in the mood’ way more often.
I can help you, firstly, normalize this experience. All couples go through different stages in their relationships, and while the honeymoon phase isn’t necessarily sustainable, getting to a stage of mature love is the goal. I can help you be proactive and learn skills now in these earlier stages in your relationship. These skills, such as how to be a more effective speaker and listener, validation and empathy, and conflict management, will be ones you need now, and you can apply them throughout the life of your relationship.
- WORKING THROUGH CRISIS– A crisis can happen at any point in your relationship. If there has been infidelity or any breach of trust in your relationship, you are likely reeling and unsure of how to even go forward. You are feeling a hundred different, often opposing, emotions at once, including anger, hurt, rejection, disbelief, guilt and shame.
I help stabilize the relationship as the first priority during a crisis, which means we work through and process all of these difficult emotions. I help you learn to share these feelings with your partner in a way that won’t sabotage you being listened to. I help you learn to rebuild trust by establishing emotional safety in the relationship, communicate your fears and learn to be vulnerable again. I help you take a look back to investigate and discover why the crisis happened, reaffirm your commitment to each other, and ultimately help you co-create a newer and stronger relationship.
- MAINTAINING CONNECTION– Couples who have been together for a long time, or couples entering new stages of their lives, such as starting a family, or children leaving the house, often look at each and think: “Who is this person I married?” You may lie in bed next to your partner at night, feeling alone and wondering how your relationship got to a place where you don’t really like your partner most days. Lack of connection and positivity in a relationship often happens when we are busy living our lives. Where once our relationship was our number one priority, you are now so busy raising kids, establishing your career, paying bills, or taking care of elderly parents that it all trumps your relationships. You turn around one day and find your relationship has been put on the back burner for years.
I can help you not only regain your connection, but learn skills to maintain it even when life gets in the way. I help you remember what you actually like and admire about your partner, finding ways to have fun together again and increase both emotional and physical intimacy.